Just Breathe

Today I met with a specialist to figure out what is going on with our fertility. I walked into the office and it took a while to be checked in. There was a mom with four kids behind me in line. The mom knew it was my first time there in the office. She tapped me on the shoulder and said "just so you know I have been coming here for all 4 of my pregnancies and now we have another on the way." She told me that she drives 45 minutes just to come to this office and she just raved about the doctors and staff. Somehow I knew in my heart I needed to hear that. The last doctor I had seen just told me that I can't get pregnant on my own because I am not ovulating and through me on Clomid with no explanation. When my new doctor came in the room she greeted me and was so warm and sincere. She asked me about 100 questions and they were able to fit me in for an ultrasound last minute. She told me that I have PCOS. Polycystic ovarian synsdrome. That was a big phrase. She explained what it was and how it was causing our infertility. She said I was on the right path with Clomid but she wanted to add Metformin to my daily lineup of meds. Metformin is generally used to treat diabetes but it also treats PCOS. Metformin also helps with weight loss. Weight loss and dieting is the most effective tool with PCOS. When you have PCOS it is hard to lose weight on your own. Metformin helps to shed the weight off. I will have blood tests done every month to see if the medicine is helping my body to shoot out some eggs. She told me that this will be a long uphill climb to pregnancy and it is possible for me to have a few miscarriages before we have a live birth. When she said that I just kept telling myself to "JUST BREATH" I wonder what the expression on my face was because that was when she stopped and took off her doctor hat so to speak and told me that she too has PCOS. She has 2 children but she said it was a long process. She believes that she can treat me and we will see where we go from here. It was reassuring to finally have a diagnosis and now we can start treating it and hope for the best.


A couple of days ago I found this quote and it is challenging me and I have adopted this quote as my motto right now in this season:
"Do we pray for chidren? Yes. Do we allow it to consume our lives, resting not until we hold a baby? No. Are we okay if God does not grant it? If not, we are worshiping children and not the King."

Ready set.......go!

A few people have asked Chris and I why we are so open about sharing about our struggle to have kids. Many people view this as a very private and intimate matter. Chris and I have chosen not to be ashamed. We actually have had a few different couples reach out to us. It was nice to know that we were not alone.  Also we could use all the prayers. So we are not going to hide , but rather share our journey with others, because in the end we will have an extraordinary testimony to share.  

Tomorrow I start my fertility treatment.   I have mixed feelings. Part of me is eager to get the show on the road. But yet the other part of me is disappointed. When I look at these tiny pills, that look like aspirin. I question myself. What is in this pill that I do not have? Am I putting my trust in God or in these small white pills. So many questions swirl in my head. This experience has opened my eyes in good and very hard aspects. Commercials are the hardest. When little children run into their mothers arms or the pregnancy test commercials. I always look over at Chris and I wonder if the commercial impacted him as it did me.. They exciting part is the expectation. The longer it takes to build or create something the more value it has. This process has shown me that a child will be well worth the wait. A good friend of mine who is pregnant commented to me the other day that she was nervous to talk about her pregnancy around me in fear of it hurting me. I told her that I am so excited for her and we cannot wait to meet their baby! Chris and I have chosen to leave bitterness out of the equation. My amazing husband reminds me to weep with those who weep and to rejoice with those who rejoice. I serve a faithful God and I have no doubt that we will be parents.

For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations. (Psalm 100:5 NIV)

Clomid and Babies

 

This week I went to the doctors office because I was having some girl issues. Also we have been trying to get pregnant. While I was walking into the doctors office, In the back of my mind I thought I was overreacting or being dramatic. When I went in the staff was so warm and friendly. The office was filled with 3-4 pregnant moms. I was hopeful that the doctor would say your fine come back in a few months if you are not pregnant. 

When I met with the doctor he asked me several questions and decided to run a blood test (5 viles) no wonder I am pale. He told me that my body is not ovulating, which means it is not releasing eggs. Fighting the tears and kicking myself for not having Chris with me at the appointment. I smiled and asked "whats our next step" He said that he was going to test some hormones in my body. If the test comes back normal he is going to put me on a fertility treatment called Clomid. That will make my body ovulate and produce eggs. He said there is a side effect. Twins or Triplets. I just thought to myself....Hey its a double portion!!! He said he has patients who get pregnant with Clomid right away. If my hormone test comes back abnormal then he would send me to a fertility specialist and look at some different fertility options. I left the office excited and at the same time discouraged.

Chris and I want nothing more than to be parents. When I explained the results to Chris he reminded me that this is the desire of our hearts and God called us to be fruitful and multiply. Chris told me that when people have eyesight problems they get glasses....And I am getting a pill called Clomid to help me out.I love him so much. He helped me to remain positive and to remember the promise that had been given to us. Ironically, One of my favorite stories in the bible is the story of Hannah. She cried out to God and God heard her and gave her a child!  We know that our God is bigger than this situation and we know that I will have babies. Its an exciting ride! Buckle Up!!!

Janine and Eugene

Chris and I have just celebrated our 1 year anniversary and we could not be happier. We absolutely love eachother, life, and people to the fullest! Often we talk about the future and growing old together. His middle name is Eugene and my middle name is Janine. So we decided when we turn 80 we will ditch the names Chris and Laura and go by Eugene and Janine.
Looking back over the last year being married I can't help but feel blessed. We have very different work schedules and spend about an hour and a half each night with each other but I would not trade it for anything. I work as a medical assistant at an Urgent Care 3-4 days a week. I come home around 8:30 at night and when I walk in the door I always get a strong scent of a delicious meal being cooked. He waits to eat dinner with me. Priceless! So on the days that I have off I try to overcompensate by cleaning the house making a fancy dinner and cupcakes for dessert and the next night I make macaroni and cheese.....but to him its just as great as the night before! Wow! What a guy! Being married to your best friend is Bliss!