And baby makes three

God is so faithful! Those four words keep going through our head. I wanted to share our journey this month before we found out we were pregnant. I had a breakdown a couple of Saturdays ago. I told Chris I was done. My tank has ran out of gas and I was ready to quit. He told me that there is no quitting and God's word does not return void. The next day in the car I had a little one on one time with God. I told him that I surrender my right to have children. I reminded myself that children are a blessing and a reward. I rearranged my priorities to focus on our marriage. Then...
Last week I had to run to the store to get a few things for our camping trip. I walked past the pregnancy tests and I turned around and grabbed one. My first thought was "Laura, you have taken twenty of those things and they all turn negative". I threw it in the cart and proceeded to get the rest of my items. 
I got home and took the test quickly and start packing for our trip. I glanced up at the test and saw a faint pink line. I thought I was making the line appear. After a year of trying to get pregnant you would think I would have a creative way to tell Chris. Oh... No. I call Chris and I told him that we might be pregnant and to not get his hopes up. He was so shocked but we both wanted to stay vigilant. So I take another and the same line pops up. So it's official! 
Part of me wanted to wait to share the news, but we wanted to shout it from the mountain tops to share how faithful my God is to bring this miracle into our lives. Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement!! It still has not set in that I  am pregnant. In the morning I wake up and giggle and tell myself I am pregnant. It has been so fun for Chris and I to dream about our future with this little one :) The ride of our lives is beginning and ready or not here comes baby

And baby makes three

God is so faithful! Those four words keep going through our head. I wanted to share our journey this month before we found out we were pregnant. I had a breakdown a couple of Saturdays ago. I told Chris I was done. My tank has ran out of gas and I was ready to quit. He told me that there is no quitting and God's word does not return void. The next day in the car I had a little one on one time with God. I told him that I surrender my right to have children. I reminded myself that children are a blessing and a reward. I rearranged my priorities to focus on our marriage. Then...
Last week I had to run to the store to get a few things for our camping trip. I walked past the pregnancy tests and I turned around and grabbed one. My first thought was "Laura, you have taken twenty of those things and they all turn negative". I threw it in the cart and proceeded to get the rest of my items. 
I got home and took the test quickly and start packing for our trip. I glanced up at the test and saw a faint pink line. I thought I was making the line appear. After a year of trying to get pregnant you would think I would have a creative way to tell Chris. Oh... No. I call Chris and I told him that we might be pregnant and to not get his hopes up. He was so shocked but we both wanted to stay vigilant. So I take another and the same line pops up. So it's official! 
Part of me wanted to wait to share the news, but we wanted to shout it from the mountain tops to share how faithful my God is to bring this miracle into our lives. Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement!! It still has not set in that I  am pregnant. In the morning I wake up and giggle and tell myself I am pregnant. It has been so fun for Chris and I to dream about our future with this little one :) The ride of our lives is beginning and ready or not here comes baby

Ch-Ch-Changes

The definition of Insanity: Doing something over and over again and expecting different results. This has become me. INSANE! We have spent the last year trying to get pregnant. Three months ago I felt like God was speaking to me that I needed rest. I had been on Clomid for 6 months with no results. Chris and I were getting burnt out, frustrated, and saddened by not seeing any results. So I took the last three months off from trying. I needed a break from the pressure and I was having surgery. I felt like the last three months were good for me. It help me come to the place where I don't need to strive to make anything happen. I feel like a flip flopper lately with stopping and starting fertility medication. But since I quit the medication I have been noticing the PCOS side effects a whole lot more. I saw my doctor last week because we were concerned that since I went off the medication I was not ovulating and that was the case. So She switched me to Femara. It is safer to take, and it has better results than Clomid. We are mainly taking this medication to get my body back on track. The only side effect is hot flashes. And oh boy! They were not kidding! When I get one all the windows have to be opened and a fan blowing on me. HAHA! I am cheap entertainment. Chris and I also made the decision to see a Fertility Specialist in Bellevue next month. We want to get my PCOS under control and just see what they say. We are in no hurry at all. When this babe comes it will be a joyous celebration, until then Chris and I are loving life and each other.

Update on our journey

I want to preface this blog by saying that these are my convictions and i am not putting my beliefs on anyone else. 
This past week Chris and I decided to go off of my fertility medication. I have been on them for six months with out any results. They were taking a toll on my body as well. I feel like I have been putting my hope and trust in medication, doctors, and list of to do's to make sure we conceive. This last week I reached my limit. Man can go only so far on his own strength. And ironically it's God who creates life. Not medication or pills. Do I think fertility aid is wrong? No, I had to pull myself away because I was so dependent on the medicine to work for me and I lost focus. A handful of my friends achieved pregnancy through the aid of medication and procedures. God has a different plan for us. Our children will come at the right time. Right now it's hard to be content and patient. Each day that passes gets harder and harder. I explained to someone the other day that being a mother is in my DNA. It's what I was designed and created to do. But I do know the one thing we have is HOPE!! That is my anchor. What God has started in me he will finish. Chris reminds me that this will be our testimony. We get comments from people that express their distaste that I post this on my blog and Facebook. I just smile and think to myself I do it to include you on this ride with us because in the end you will see what a faithful God I serve. I will not be ashamed of being apart of a miracle in process. I have been able to share our journey with my math teacher, who is Hindu and it has moved her. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. It's a bumpy road and it's full of lots of up and downs right now. But the destination will be worth the car ride!

Time to get going

Time is ticking away. I can only be on my fertility medication clomid for one more month. Being on the medication for a long period could do damage to my body. So I have decided to fight fire with fire. Weight loss is the best weapon with PCOS and pregnancy. So over the weekend I signed up at LA fitness. Yesterday I did water aerobics in the morning and in the evening I did a fitness evaluation with a trainer. 30 minutes of pure torture. I woke up this morning not just sore but in pain. The first thought that came into my mind was I will just take today off. And immediately I flashed back to this corny movie called facing the giants. While in Generational Leadership we were on roadtrip and we would show this clip of a foot ball player doing the death crawl blindfolded. He wanted to quit and give up. The coach was by his side yelling "don't give up keep going" so needless to say I will be going to the gym tonight. Each day gets harder and harder. I know that our dream will come true, but it's hard to be patient. I can tell myself all day long that it's God's perfect timing, but it still stings. Until then I will take all my frustrations out on the Elyptical machine and the weights. Time to get proactive!!

Just Breathe

Today I met with a specialist to figure out what is going on with our fertility. I walked into the office and it took a while to be checked in. There was a mom with four kids behind me in line. The mom knew it was my first time there in the office. She tapped me on the shoulder and said "just so you know I have been coming here for all 4 of my pregnancies and now we have another on the way." She told me that she drives 45 minutes just to come to this office and she just raved about the doctors and staff. Somehow I knew in my heart I needed to hear that. The last doctor I had seen just told me that I can't get pregnant on my own because I am not ovulating and through me on Clomid with no explanation. When my new doctor came in the room she greeted me and was so warm and sincere. She asked me about 100 questions and they were able to fit me in for an ultrasound last minute. She told me that I have PCOS. Polycystic ovarian synsdrome. That was a big phrase. She explained what it was and how it was causing our infertility. She said I was on the right path with Clomid but she wanted to add Metformin to my daily lineup of meds. Metformin is generally used to treat diabetes but it also treats PCOS. Metformin also helps with weight loss. Weight loss and dieting is the most effective tool with PCOS. When you have PCOS it is hard to lose weight on your own. Metformin helps to shed the weight off. I will have blood tests done every month to see if the medicine is helping my body to shoot out some eggs. She told me that this will be a long uphill climb to pregnancy and it is possible for me to have a few miscarriages before we have a live birth. When she said that I just kept telling myself to "JUST BREATH" I wonder what the expression on my face was because that was when she stopped and took off her doctor hat so to speak and told me that she too has PCOS. She has 2 children but she said it was a long process. She believes that she can treat me and we will see where we go from here. It was reassuring to finally have a diagnosis and now we can start treating it and hope for the best.


A couple of days ago I found this quote and it is challenging me and I have adopted this quote as my motto right now in this season:
"Do we pray for chidren? Yes. Do we allow it to consume our lives, resting not until we hold a baby? No. Are we okay if God does not grant it? If not, we are worshiping children and not the King."

Ready set.......go!

A few people have asked Chris and I why we are so open about sharing about our struggle to have kids. Many people view this as a very private and intimate matter. Chris and I have chosen not to be ashamed. We actually have had a few different couples reach out to us. It was nice to know that we were not alone.  Also we could use all the prayers. So we are not going to hide , but rather share our journey with others, because in the end we will have an extraordinary testimony to share.  

Tomorrow I start my fertility treatment.   I have mixed feelings. Part of me is eager to get the show on the road. But yet the other part of me is disappointed. When I look at these tiny pills, that look like aspirin. I question myself. What is in this pill that I do not have? Am I putting my trust in God or in these small white pills. So many questions swirl in my head. This experience has opened my eyes in good and very hard aspects. Commercials are the hardest. When little children run into their mothers arms or the pregnancy test commercials. I always look over at Chris and I wonder if the commercial impacted him as it did me.. They exciting part is the expectation. The longer it takes to build or create something the more value it has. This process has shown me that a child will be well worth the wait. A good friend of mine who is pregnant commented to me the other day that she was nervous to talk about her pregnancy around me in fear of it hurting me. I told her that I am so excited for her and we cannot wait to meet their baby! Chris and I have chosen to leave bitterness out of the equation. My amazing husband reminds me to weep with those who weep and to rejoice with those who rejoice. I serve a faithful God and I have no doubt that we will be parents.

For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations. (Psalm 100:5 NIV)